LOVE’S TRUTH

Ominous clouds sabotaged the sun’s golden entrance. The landscape had darkened, as though day and night were forced to co-exist. Nimi leaned against the window frame, idly watching raindrops hit the glass.

It wasn’t long before her broken gaze stopped registering the rain. She was back in St. Martha’s orphanage, being led quietly down the basement. It was their love spot, a place where their fiery passions for each other burned brightest. Memories of those passionate nights looped in her head like a broken tape, pushing her farther away from reality.

Then, the horrid parts of those memories kicked in. She remembered the look of horror on the face of the Orthodox priest.

“Abomination!” He had cried, almost rending his white garment. The sound of his whip crashing against her tender skin echoed freshly in her soul.

“Out of her!” He had screamed each time he whipped, insisting that she had a devil.

Her eyes moistened. He had dared to call their love abominable, unnatural even. She tightened her fists, her heart swelling with renewed anger.

“Nimi?” A soft voice called, pulling her back to reality. She knew who it was, but didn’t respond. Company was the last thing she wanted.

Gloria stood there for a while, the silence pricking her tender heart. It wouldn’t be the first time Nimi ignored her. She had adopted her several months ago, but there was no bond between them. The more she tried to get close, the more Nimi pushed her away.

Convinced she wouldn’t respond, she turned away sadly.

“Breakfast is ready,” Gloria said grimly.

“Take me back…”

Gloria paused, turning with a confused look.

“What?”

“Take me back to the orphanage…” Nimi repeated, her voice breaking this time.

There was silence, the sound of rain filling the void. Gloria’s lips parted, but no words came.

“Umm… Why?” Gloria asked, inching closer to the bed.

“Because it’s only a matter of time. All of you are the same, full of love and compassion, until you eventually find out…” Nimi said grimly.

Gloria pursed her lips, unsure of what to say. She settled down next to her daughter, and gently placed a hand on her knee.

“Find out what?'” She asked.

Nimi lowered her gaze, unwilling to go down that road. She was certain her mother wouldn’t understand. Like everyone else, her mind would be too rigid to comprehend what burned within her when she saw the curves of a woman, and how her heart fluttered at the sound of feminine laughter.

“You wouldn’t understand…”

Gloria gently slipped her hand into hers and inched closer.

“Try me…” she whispered.

Nimi looked at her, studying the elderly woman’s eyes. They held nothing but love, and a silent plea that said ‘trust me’. But, how could she explain to her new Christian mother, that she was lesbian?

“Nimi, please, let me in.” Gloria whispered again.

Nimi shut her eyes, her mother’s gentle tone weakening her strong resolve. After a while, she sighed in defeat, her mother’s persistence winning her over.

“I don’t know how… or where to begin…” she muttered.

“Take your time, honey…” Gloria replied, giving her knee an affectionate squeeze.

Eyes still shut, her mouth slowly began to move. She started from the orphanage, how she was twelve and conflicted, unable to shun the feelings she had for a certain reverend sister. She spoke of the day she finally confessed her feelings to the young woman, and how they became lovers, but only at night. She recalled their first time in the basement, and how the walls probably wished they could turn away from them.

For months, they were prisoners of their lust, waiting for the freedom the night brought. They went on, until that fateful day. She remembered the look of horror and disgust on Father Gabriel’s face, as his lantern fell to the ground. He had come to pick something from the basement, and had caught them in the act.

At that point in the story, her voice trailed off, choked by negative emotions. Her tears flowed freely, like water leaking from a broken dam. Nimi turned away, afraid to look into her mother’s eyes, believing they now mirrored the priest’s.

“If you want to take me back-“

“I’m not taking you back…” Gloria cut her off.

Nimi turned, the look of shock resting subtly on her face.

“I already know these things, Nimi. I was told when I chose to adopt you. But I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now…” Gloria whispered, caressing her daughter’s wet cheek.

The words smashed through her like a boulder. She searched her mother’s eyes again. There was no judgment, but the love had been tainted with sadness. She knew what that meant. She was accepted, but not her ‘sin’.

She looked away, the question she’d had all her life blaring in her head. Anger snuck into her facial expressions once more.

“Why would I be born with these desires if they aren’t normal? Why would God forbid something that came to me naturally?! Why am I being punished for something I have no control over?!” She asked, her tone rising slightly.

Gloria held her hands again. “Nimi, will the clay question the Potter? Can we, the created, tell the Creator what is natural to us, if He indeed made us?”

Nimi’s brain stuttered, the questions throwing her a little off balance.

“Every man is born with sin because of Adam’s disobedience. Regardless of how and when it chooses to manifest, it remains sin. Accepting it as normal, would be denying God’s answer to it. God has and will always love you, Nimi. He would not taste death for a girl He hates. And He has no weighing balance to judge which sin is greater, because He’s dealt with them all on the cross.” Gloria declared.

Nimi grimaced, the words conflicting her deeply. She listened to her mother talk about Grace, and how God worked in His children, changing their sinful desires into righteous fervency. For some reason, her heart burned listening to those words. A debate ensued in her heart.

She looked out the window, at the storm that stole her morning. Her mother’s words seemed to make sense, but they were just words, and words were cheap. Change was a fairytale at best, preached by religion to the gullible, forcing them to reach for perfection. And when they inevitably fail, they’d be forced to take the consolation prize of hypocrisy.

However, her mother’s words came from a spring of truth she was unfamiliar with. All her life, she had known God by many names; Judge, Executioner, Giver of Rules, Hater of Iniquity, Pillar of Justice. Yet, her mother was introducing Him differently. She called Him names like; Saviour, Redeemer, The Patient One, Loving Father, Giver of Grace. And the one that shattered her theology the most; The Helper.

Her eyes stayed on the storm, but her ears on Gloria’s words. Perhaps, she might’ve misjudged God. She had only been aware of the ‘God of impossible standards’, and never ‘the God that worked in men both to will and to do of His good pleasure’

She sighed softly, her walls admitting defeat as they crumbled. Perhaps, change was possible, if the God who demanded it was involved in the process.
The question now remained; was she willing to accept His change? She could feel His mighty hand outstretched towards her, egging her on to take it.

By the time Gloria was done, the storm was over, and a rainbow had appeared in the sky. Utter silence filled the room. Nimi’s thoughts swirled like wine being poured into a glass. The question remained as clear as day.

Gloria sensed the battle raging in her daughter’s heart and pulled her into a warm hug.

“We’ve all been here, Nimi. Different situations, yet the same question will ring in our hearts. Submitting to God can feel like a storm, but there will always be a rainbow at the end of it.” Gloria whispered.

Buried deep in her mother’s arms, Nimi understood that the journey would be difficult. But at least, the journey would begin today. And even more so, she would have The Helper, and she’d have Gloria.

THE END

This tale reveals the delicate balance between Love and Truth, and the dangers of imbalance. Whilst we love, we are unbending in Truth. Just because God’s Truth may be rejected, does not mean His Love for all men is a lie❤️

God loves us totally. And He is the agent of change in our lives. Acknowledgement of how far we are from His truth, is the first step to transformation in accordance to His will. Remember, we are what we are, and what we will ever be, by the grace of God❤️

Stay blessed🤗. Did you love this? Share and subscribe to this blog for more❤️